Status

February 6- I’m Really Good At

ummm…this is going to be hard -__-

  1. helping others
  2. keeping a planner
  3. remembering birthdays [my husband always forgets mine ( ̄  ̄|||); but then again, he can’t remember anyone else’s either ┐( ̄~ ̄)┌ ]
  4. staying organized (most of the time)
  5. being aesthetic
  6. keeping an open mind
  7. stepping into other’s shoes
  8. getting easily scared by even the littlest of things (like that one time my grandma came out of the laundry room and my heart skipped a few beats | ◯ ‸ ◯ |…  Hey! In all fairness, she was wearing a white sari╏ ᓀ 〜 ᓂ ╏)

February 1- The Meaning of My Name

Priyanka

My nickname and the name I am comfortable with the most. I’m called this name at home or by close friends. It is a name derived from Sanskrit that literally means “a lap full of love” (Priya meaning love and Ank meaning lap) or simply meaning very loving in nature. My name was given to me by my parents and inspired by Indhira Gandhi’s granddaughter, Priyanka Ghandhi.

Sara

My official name. I’m known by Sara by the rest of the world whether it be by classmates or colleagues, not to mention my husband -_- 😂. It means princess. A lot of people believe that the name only comes from biblical origins; however that is not the case. Personally speaking, my name was kept in mind as an Arabic name. But Sara comes from other origins as well such as Danish, English, French, German (Zara), Icelandic, Polish, and Spanish.

Alam

Alam is my last name and comes from my father’s side of the family. It is an Arabic word meaning world. It is also used in Hindi as well. Before getting married, I was conflicted whether I wanted to change my name to my husband’s last name or not. How could I just leave my name like that. It has been with me since birth. Even though at first I wanted my husband’s name, I didn’t want to give up my name either. In the end, I just stuck to my name. I think it’s beautiful just as it is 🙂

Video

Dadi’s Garden

I wanna go back 😭. I spent the first six years of my life here. This specific window led to my grandmother’s tiny garden. Every once in a while she would have it opened to tend to the plants. We both would stand on this side of the window watching the plants being watered or the guavas being picked from the guava tree. Thank you ammu for opening this gate for me that day. The rain, the atmosphere, and the vehicles on the street both heightened my emotions and brought back many beautiful memories. I am going to cherish this moment forever. And thank you for keeping dadi’s garden flourishing all throughout the years ❤️❤️, even though it has changed quite a bit…. the jackfruit tree has gotten smaller and the guava tree is no more. Even in dadi’s absence, I feel her presence every time I’m here 😌.

Standstill

My mind sends its message

And my voice gallops,

Suddenly coming to a halt at my lips.

And it stops

unable to reach its full potential.

It stops at my lips

Because it’s terrified of your eyes,

So wide,

So vivid,

So real.

It’s scared to be heard.

It falls short and just crumbles on my tongue,

Falling out in pieces.

SORT IT OUT

It’s like my mind is telling me

BRACE YOURSELF

THE WORST IS ON ITS WAY

Deep Waters

And then it begins.
Molten lava wedged in between
The crevices of my heart,
Piercing reddish orange.
The words from my mouth stumble out,
Tripping and falling,
Causing the others behind them
To miss their step
And come to a full stop.
Twenty one and half pair of eyes
In my direction… Lying in wait.
My words take too long to recover,
But there they are.
Still.
Waiting.
I wish I too could look them back in the eyes,
All twenty one and half of them.
I wish I too could watch them as they watch me. Intently.

S   I   L   E   N   C   E

A shadowed hand strangulates
As I struggle to escape from its grasp.
I…can’t…breathe!
My lungs burn as if I’ve been running,
Far too long,
As if I’ve been held captive in a closed room,
The water slowly climbing up
My feet…
Hips…
Chin.
My hands reach out in desperation.
My hands reach out into nothingness.
Take a deep breath.
Inhale…
I can’t
Exhale…
Do this…
I can’t.
Inhale…
My breathing and talking are out of sync,
My brain can’t seem to make up its mind.
Should I breathe first,
Then talk or talk,
Then breathe first.
It tries too much.
So much…that ultimately
I’m the one who gets stuck in between.

s   i   l   e   n   c   e

Everything stops.
The eyes, the thoughts,
My words.
They stop coming forth,
But my body still doesn’t respond.
My ears steam out hot air,
My cheeks flush against
The calmness of the room.
Show me the way out.

Where I’m From

I am from Dhaka,
The heart of Bangladesh.
I am from the close-knit family
That always stood together under one shadow.
I am from my grandparent’s village,
Where the love of nature grew in my heart,
Just like it was there always.

I am from the grandparents
Who loved and raised me with care.
I am the love that loved them back
With all my heart.
I am from the birthdays and holidays
That we spent together.
I am from the respect where we used to go to the Shaheed Minar
To place flowers for the martyrs and freedom fighters
That sacrificed their lives
for our freedom.

I am from the blackouts,
Where we would gather around our uncle to hear stories,
From the peanuts
That we got from the peanut stand at the end of the street,
And when the lights came back on,
We would groan and turn them off again
To listen to the rest.
I am from my father,
From his childhood stories,
Some so funny that our stomachs hurt from laughing too much.
The Liberation War
Where he and his family were hiding from the Pakistani soldiers.
From the sadness
When my grandparents passed away.
I am from the empathy,
The feeling I feel for my father,
Who didn’t get a chance to see them
After we came to this foreign land.

I am from the memories,
Which I clutch to my heart every single day,
And never ever let go.

Inventory

Childhood memories, bed, single, small space, storage room, cozy,
dark, blue walls; All grown up, bed, single, larger space, leafy green walls,
homely, frog hanging onto a branch, photo frame,caption: “Hang In There”,
above my desk, inspiration; poster, Shah Rukh Khan, Bollywood,
my favorite; door, “Go Away”, caption from the tiny inhabitant that lived
in my room before me, something that does not go away;collections,
foreign currencies: Taka, Yen, Poisha, Rupee, Euro, 50 cent coin;
Memory,images, the bull running towards me [my father yelling
“watch out”] completely missing me and tumbling to the ground breathing its last; scars, index, middle, and ring, completely bloody when Ma saw it and fainted.

11 Things You Probably Don’t Know About Me

1. I graduated from Temple University with a BA in English.

What’s up next? I want to pursue a Master’s Degree in Education with a concentration in English. I want to become a teacher.

2. I am from Dhaka, Bangladesh.

I came to America with my family when I was 6 years old. I lived in New York City before I moved to Pennsylvania.

3. Languages:

a. Bengali (my native language)    b. English (obviously)   c. Hindi (learned it watching Hindi movies)  d. Spanish (my foreign language)

4. I am the eldest of three. The other two are my brothers, Protick and Reza.

Although they really know how to get inside my head, I really love them for their little shenanigans. They always know how to cheer me up at the end.

5. In accordance to #4, I wish I had a sister.

In exception to my mother, I’m the only girl in my family. Sometimes there are some things that you just can’t share with your mother, let alone your brothers.

6. I’m a writer. (You’ve probably already noticed that though.)

Poetry is mainly my line but I also write other things as well. If you look at my portfolio, there’s a tab for Short Stories. However, there’s nothing in there as of yet as the stories are still in the making. Also, I sometimes combine two genres together like I have done in Ekushey February and Remembering The Holocaust.

7. I am a bookworm.

Wherever there is a book, I’ll pick it up and start reading. I love books that make me smile, books that make me laugh, books that make me cry. I believe that books are the doorways to new worlds. They provide access to perspectives different than mine. Some of my favorite authors are J.K Rowling, Jodi Picoult, Rabrindranath Tagore, Khaled Hosseini, Shel Silverstein, and Rumi.

8. I’m into Anime and Manga.

Some of my favorites include Naruto, Full Metal Alchemist, One Piece, Fairy Tail, and Attack On Titan. Attack On Titan was introduced to me by my friend, Sharanika.

9. I really don’t like scary movies.

I hate the scary music and specially the pop-ups. Surprisingly, the only exception to this statement is The Walking Dead. I still think it is scary (really scary and gross, at times,) but it’s also rightly addicting. The first time I watched it, I had nightmares for days. You see that person on the couch, with her eyes, ears, and nose closed, that’s me.

10. I cry my eyes out when there’s a sad scene in a movie (Oh! And books too!).

I’m the only one out of my whole family that cries during these scenes.But it’s not just for any sad scene. It depends on how the story has progressed and the how the character has progressed within it. My brother tells me that they are just stories. But no story is ever just a story.

11. I never picture myself with glasses.

And it’s weird because glasses have been with me since I was 9 years old.I guess I never fully accepted it when my eye doctor told me that I needed them. One year, he said. I needed to wear glasses for a year and my eyes would get better. Well, I’m still wearing them. Instead of getting better, I think I’m just getting blinder and blinder.