Long story short… I did horribly. Just horribly. Not that it’s a surprise. Public speaking was never my strong suit. I was just a bundle of nerves, fidgeting in my seat, waiting for all of it to be over. I just couldn’t get rid of this feeling of anxiousness. It was there when I left home, it was there when I got to the school, when I met Mrs. Agnew, the person observing me, it was there even way after I finished the lesson. Mrs. Agnew is really nice. She came a bit early just so I can get to meet her and get comfortable with her before I teach the lesson. Although it did not really help me release my anxieties, I really appreciated the thought. I had a shaky start because all of a sudden all eyes were on me. 28 students, 2 teachers, 1 observer. It wasn’t like I hadn’t done this before but for some reason that 1 observer made all the difference.Of course, there were other factors that added to it such as:
1. The arrangement of the desks- Mrs. Smith changed the desks again last week. When I was making the lesson plan, I kind of had it all figured out about where I will be standing and such. I liked her old arrangement better where the desks were in clusters. It made moving around much easier. But this one, which looked like a mirror reflection of an “E”, kind of forced me to go to the front of the room where all eyes were pointed at me. There was that awkward silence that I typically experience when I start a presentation. Even though I didn’t have to go to the front of the room, I felt more compelled to do so because of how the desks were arranged.
2. Just the thought of knowing I was going to get observed today was a big drawback. I don’t do well. I don’t feel natural. Like today, I start to fidget around, breathing is irregular, my face starts to flush. This was my third LA lesson in this class and not once did Mrs. Smith have to step in for me. Even though I know that Mrs. Agnew is not here to judge me, I kind of had it in the back of my head that she is still observing me. And that thought in and of itself is why I did so poorly. I think I will get better with practice. Hopefully 😓.
But that is when I stopped. No matter how many breaths I took, no matter how many times I read a sentence over, I could not get myself to move on. All eyes were on me. Thankfully, Mrs. Smith took over the words I could not bring myself to say. But I felt frustrated that I let myself get to that stage. I looked at Mrs. Reifsnyder as Mrs. Smith read on. She gave me a warm smile that said something along the lines of “it’s OK”. I’m very happy that I’m in this classroom with two very good role models. I’m learning something each and every Monday that I’m here. After the lesson, Mrs. Agnew worked with me and Mrs. Smith to help me overcome my challenge . So for next week, I will be working with a smaller group and then two Mondays from that Mrs. Agnew and I will, hopefully, teach a lesson together. That lesson will be on poetry. I can’t wait 😊.